reality check...

I feel like I have spent my whole life waiting. Waiting to get my drivers license, waiting to graduate, waiting on vacation time, waiting on a phone call, waiting to start a family, waiting on the next big thing in my life. I need to refocus. I met this incredible man, and he has made me aware of living in the present. He has taught me to stop waiting and start enjoying. So here I am..."teach me to number my days and count every moment before it slips away...."

I dont want to miss a single second but this is really difficult. Focusing on the present and pondering every moment for what it really is...slowing down...taking a breath and feeling the pure joy of now. When something is difficult, by definition, it requires effort or skill to accomplish. These are skills that I am trying to learn.

The most taxing piece of this is acceptance. Its about letting go and being okay with your life as is. I will be honest, I am not where I want to be. I want a family and to be around people who love me. I want little ones to teach me what love is, and I want to see this world through the eyes of an innocent. I want to hold their little hands and hug their little bodies. I would love to feel them breath as they nap on my chest and see their smile as they dream. I want to be overwhelmed with love. I want to share this blessing with someone who will appreciate the riches of this life just as I do. I want everyone around me to understand that when everything is over its not about what we have done... its about how we have loved.

Sometimes I think everyone can be overwhelmed with their wants. My goal is to enjoy each stage of my life and where I am at today. I sit hundreds of miles away from someone I love very much, and this makes it hard sometimes to focus on life here. I want so badly to be held by his arms, to cook dinner together, or wake up next to him. I want to enjoy my moments with him. This is the most arduous piece of my journey.

I find it very easy to create joy in my life or to be thankful for the blessings that God has given me. Its innate in me. I would not be me if I didn't have something to smile about every single day. I just need to remind my self to trust that I will be where I want soon.

...until tomorrow...

"take in all the colors...before they fade away...."