invisible

I sit in a room with my friends and they dont see me. I would like to believe that at one point in time I got what I needed from these people....When I talk they dont hear me... I just want to scream! "Dont I matter!!!!"

I am in a place in my life where I need to build up me...I need people around me that show me I matter to them. I need to be valued. I want to be cherished. I want to feel welcome. I feel like I am the 6 year old in the room that gets pushed aways when I tug at their coat. They make me feel like I have nothing to add. I feel invisible and unimportant. I feel stupid and unexperienced in life sometimes and they only magnify those thoughts.

I get that they have things going on in their lives. I am not angry. I am only sad. I can only give so much with nothing in return. I feel like Im ready to walk out, but "I dont wanna be the one to say goodbye" Im exhausted...they exhaust me...

Dont worry...Im not closing the door on my friendships. I just need a little time to adjust to my new surroundings. My expectations will be lower, and I will be grateful when their actions match up to what they "preach".

In my life, I want to practice being authentic. This means I will tell them how I feel and I will not treat them any differently. I pray I can teach them something about how to love someone. I am just not sure how to do this yet...